[00:00:00] One of her associates doesn't buy into the process, does not want to do it at all. She feels like it's manipulating the customer, and when I heard that, I thought, "Oh, I know exactly what's happening here." But what's unfortunate, and what I think happens to a lot of us, is that we're rejecting something genuinely good because we're afraid it might be something bad.

Hey, friend. Welcome back to In The EllaMents. I'm Alishia Egenhoff, digital ad strategist, mentor, and the heart behind Social EllaMents Marketing. Around here, we talk about marketing, motherhood, and what it really looks like to build a business while also being a human with limited time, energy, and capacity.

I was talking to a client recently about their intake process for new customers. It's this really thoughtful system that they've built [00:01:00] around, and it actually helps the client get crystal clear on what they need, and it helps the business deliver exactly that. It's actually quite brilliant. But here's what the client told me. One of her associates doesn't buy into the process, does not want to do it at all.

She feels like it's manipulating the customer, and when I heard that, I thought, "Oh, I know exactly what's happening here." This associate isn't wrong to be cautious. Manipulation is absolutely a real thing, especially in marketing. But what's unfortunate, and what I think happens to a lot of us, is that we're rejecting something genuinely good because we're afraid it might be something bad.

And today, I wanna talk about that difference. So what is influence anyways? There is this psychologist, you may have heard of him, named [00:02:00] Robert Cialdini, who basically spent his entire career studying how people say yes. He wrote this book called Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. If you're in marketing at all, you've likely heard of it. If you haven't, you need to read it. It's an oldie but a goodie.

What Cialdini discovered through decades of research is that there are these universal principles that shape how humans make decisions, not in some dark, manipulative way, just in the way that humans naturally think and choose. When we understand how influence actually works, we as marketers, as business owners, can either use it to trick people, or we can use it to make things better for everyone, including the client and us.

So the difference between persuasion and manipulation. [00:03:00] The word manipulation, it gets thrown around a lot, but it actually means something specific. So let's pull out our Webster dictionaries.

Manipulation is the systematic use of misleading or deceptive tactics to get what you want at someone else's expense. The person being manipulated loses something. They are worse off. And if they found out what you did, they would feel betrayed. Persuasion is different, however.

Persuasion is when you're pointing to something that's already true, and you're helping someone see it more clearly. Both people benefit. The person saying yes is making a better choice. You're not taking advantage of them. You're actually making their life easier. The difference isn't in the techniques themselves, it's in the [00:04:00] intention behind them, and it's in the outcome.

When you use persuasion ethically, the other person knows what you're doing, and they still say yes because it's genuinely a good thing for them.

Cialdini has seven principles of influence. So let's talk about what these principles actually are. He identified seven of them. The first six came from his original research, and then he added a seventh one later called unity.

These principles describe how humans naturally make decisions. They are not evil. They are not tricks. They are just how our brains naturally work.

The first is the principle of reciprocity. It's this idea that when someone gives us something, we as human beings naturally feel obligated to give something back. It's hardwired into [00:05:00] every human culture on Earth. If someone does you a favor, you want to do them a favor back. You scratch my back, I scratch yours.

Here's how this shows up in your business. If you give value first, it could be a helpful guide, a resource, just genuine insight, people naturally feel more open to working with you. It's not manipulation. It's not tricky. You're just being generous, and you're creating trust.

Think about it. Spotify, here's an example. They offer a free month trial so you can experience their ad-free music, customize your playlist, and figure out if you love the experience. That's reciprocity in action. They're giving you something valuable for free, and you naturally feel inclined to pay for it when the trial ends.

Or another example, Dropbox. They give you free cloud [00:06:00] storage to start. You get to experience how useful it is, and when you need more space, upgrading feels natural, not forced. And here's the thing, the ethical way to use this is to give something that's actually valuable, not a thinly veiled sales pitch disguised as a free guide. Something that people would generally want to read or use, even if you never ask them for anything in return.

The second principle is commitment and consistency. This is about the fact that once we commit to something, even if it's something small, we want to stay consistent with that choice. If I ask you for your opinion on something, you step back, you become a critic, and you find flaws.

But if I ask you for your advice, everything shifts. You're in the boat with me, you're a collaborator, and you become more invested. This [00:07:00] is huge for customer onboarding. That intake process that my client is using, that's actually tapping into this principle.

By asking customers for their advice and input on what they need, you are not tricking them. You're making them a part of the solution. They're more likely to stick around, more likely to be happy, more likely to say yes, because they helped shape what they are getting.

Starbucks, for example, uses this beautifully with their rewards program. When you join, you start earning stars immediately. You're making a small commitment. You set up your app, and then over time you are more likely to keep coming back because you've committed to earning those rewards. You're part of a system now. Apple does the same thing. Once you're in the ecosystem, switching phones, computers, watches, whatever it is, gets harder, not because Apple is tricky, but because you've already committed. You've already integrated their products into your life, so you're gonna likely be an Apple customer [00:08:00] forever.

The third is social proof. This is the idea that we look to other people to figure out what's right. If everyone's doing something, our brain thinks it must be safe or good. This is why testimonials work wonders. This is why user-generated content is so powerful. You're not making stuff up. You're pointing to what's actually true, that real life people have had real life results.

Amazon is the king of social proof. When you or I look at any product, you see verified reviews, you see that star rating, you see customer photos of the product in action. You see what real people bought and what they thought. That social proof is doing a ton of heavy lifting on that product page. Airbnb does the same thing with guest photos and [00:09:00] reviews. You're not just seeing the host's professional pictures, you're also seeing what the space actually looks like through the eyes of real guests who have stayed there. That's trust. Sephora, another company, lets customers leave reviews and rate other reviews. They show photos that actual customers took, and it's this beautiful ecosystem of real feedback that other potential buyers can see.

The ethical way to use this is to show authentic proof from real customers. We're not using fake reviews, no made-up testimonials, just the truth about what people are actually saying about your business, your product, your service, whatever it is.

Fourth is the principle of authority. Naturally, we trust experts. We have more respect for people who know what they're doing or seemingly know what they're doing. If you're genuinely an expert in [00:10:00] your field, saying so isn't arrogant. It's actually helpful to the customer. It tells people that they can trust you, and it saves them time and energy trying to figure out if you actually know what the hell you're talking about.

So think about Nike and LeBron James. LeBron's an athlete. He actually needs high-performance gear. His expertise and his demonstrated authority make his association with Nike powerful. It's authentic. He's not just a spokesperson, he's someone who actually uses and needs what Nike makes. Oprah is maybe the most famous example of authority in marketing. When Oprah tweeted that "Actifry air fryer changed my life", sales exploded. Why? Because Oprah has spent decades establishing herself as someone whose opinion is trustworthy and authentic. That authority transfers to whatever she's recommending.[00:11:00] 

But, and this is important, you have to actually be an expert. You cannot fake that authority. That's where it becomes manipulation, and that is where the line gets drawn.

Okay. Fifth is the principle of liking. We're more persuaded by people that we like. Weird. And we like people who are similar to us, who complement us, or who we feel naturally connected to. This is why brand voice matters so much. This is why showing up as yourself, the real you, not some polished version, actually works better. People buy from people that they like. They trust people that they feel connected to.

So think about Trader Joe's. People are weirdly loyal to Trader Joe's, not because their food is necessarily cheaper, but because they like the brand. The staff is [00:12:00] friendly. The prices are consistent. There's something quirky and authentic and, like, natural about how the company shows up. You feel like you're part of something and not being sold to.

Six is the principle of scarcity. We as human beings want things more when they're rare or limited. Here's where a lot of marketers go wrong. They create fake scarcity. They put countdown timers on products with unlimited supply. They claim things are sold out when they're not actually sold out. And you know what? People can feel it when it's fake. They might click in the moment, but they will resent you for it, and they probably are not gonna come back to your business.

But real scarcity does work. Look at booking.com, for example. They show only two rooms left at this price or [00:13:00] eighty-five percent of rooms booked for your dates. That's real data that hotels have limited inventory. When you see that scarcity message, it's actually true, and that honesty makes it powerful. People respond because it feels genuine. There's also Amazon Prime Day that creates real scarcity. We've all been a part of it, deals that are actually limited time. Supreme drops, release limited quantities that actually sell out if you don't get on soon.

When scarcity is real, people feel that urgency because it is justified. So if your program only takes twenty people per cohort, that's real scarcity. So say it. If prices go up next month, that's real. Say it. People respond to genuine scarcity because it's true.

Seventh is the principle of unity, the last principle. This is the newer one Cialdini added. [00:14:00] It's about the fact that people feel connected to others who share their values, their background, and their identity. When you're marketing to people like you, women entrepreneurs, moms building businesses, people in your specific niche, you're tapping into unity.

You're saying, "We're in this together," and that can be super powerful. An example of this is Patagonia. Their whole mission is, "We're in business to save our home planet." They're not just selling jackets. They're inviting you to join a movement. So their campaigns like Don't Buy This Jacket actually discourage consumption.

They're saying, "Buy less, buy better, repair what you have", and people are loyal to them because they share those values. There's a sense of unity around environmental activism. That's why certain brands [00:15:00] develop almost cult-like loyalty. It's not because the product is ten times better. It's because you feel like you're part of something bigger than even yourself.

So here's the question I have for you. When are you using these principles ethically, and when are you crossing that line into manipulation? Cialdini himself laid out a framework for this reason. So before you use any of these principles in your marketing, I want you to ask yourself three questions.

First, is it true? Are you being honest? Are you telling the complete truth, or are you hiding something important?

Second, is it natural? Are you pointing to something that's genuinely part of the situation, or are you artificially introducing something fake? Are you showing real social proof or manufactured reviews? [00:16:00] Are you highlighting genuine scarcity, or are you making a fake countdown timer?

Third, is it wise? Would it be wise for both parties if someone says yes? Will they be happy tomorrow, next month? Are they gonna feel good about that decision?

If you can answer yes to all three, it's true, it's natural, it's wise, then you're in ethical persuasion territory. You can explain the technique to the person, and they'd still say yes. If you can't, then you're crossing a line.

So let's go back to that client and her associate who feels manipulated by the intake process. Here is what I would say to her. If this gives you the ick, maybe you're looking at it wrong because what's actually happening in that intake process, you're asking customers what they need, you're being super [00:17:00] clear about what you can offer, and you're making sure there's a match before they commit and buy.

You're using commitment and consistency to help them feel invested in their own success. That is not manipulation. That's actually taking care of your customer, and both the customer and the business win. The customer gets exactly what they need, and the business gets a happy client, likely for life, who knows exactly what to expect. And in the end, everyone's better off. It's a win-win situation.

So what does this all mean for you and your business? If you're listening to this and you're feeling uncomfortable about marketing tactics, if something feels sleazy to you, that's actually good instinct. That means you have integrity. But don't throw the whole thing out because of that.

Instead, I want you to use these principles ethically. Give [00:18:00] real value first. Build that genuine connection. Show that authentic social proof. Be honest about your scarcity, and make sure both parties are benefiting. Because the thing is, these principles do absolutly work. There's tons and tons of research around them. They are super powerful, and when you use them ethically, you're not tricking anyone. You're actually making your customer's life better and in turn your own. So you're taking something super complex, figuring out what service to buy, whether to trust someone, and you're making it easier for your customer, and that is not manipulation. That's service.

The people who feel uncomfortable about marketing and influence, they're usually the ones with the most integrity. They're usually ones that care about whether they're hurting people. So lean into that. Use these principles. Understand how they [00:19:00] work, but also run them through the three question test.

Is it true? Is it natural? Is it wise? If you can say yes to all three, you are good. Thumbs up. No tricking anyone. You're being persuasive in the right way, and your customers, they're going to feel it. They're going to know that they can trust you, and they're going to want to work with you again and again and again.

If you want to stay connected, I'd love to have you on my email list. I send two to four emails a month with my honest thoughts on marketing, motherhood, and building a business that actually fits your real life. You can join through the link in the show notes. Thank you for spending time with me In the EllaMents. Until next time, keep building with intention and give yourself grace as you grow.